The Way Wii Were
I came to terms with the advancement of fresh technology and the hopeless dependence that we have on technological forms of entertainment in our day when I found myself sitting in front of my television set on a Saturday afternoon shouting malediction words at a bespectacled Japanese man. With my fists raised to protect my face, I fought Korioshi in a brutal encounter of brains and brawn. Though he would keep dodging my punches, I eventually knocked him out cold with a triple combo hit to the face, essence, and face followed by a searing right hook. With this, his body flew in the air and convulsed on its way to the ground until it folded up, limbs protruding in facing directions and the halo of stars swimming around his x-ed out eyes, in a heap on the mat. Take that back to Tokyo.
The object of this rage, as either you could obviously infer or are pleadingly hoping for, is Wii boxing. The Wii is a insignificant, white video game system that uses state-of-the-art remote control technology to make normally reasonable people look as though the tourettes has come back and violently mingled with schizophrenia. The Wii is a Japanese product that takes its name from the Japanese verb “to do number one.” Despite the ambiguous name, the Wii has been a worldwide sensation as millions of people desperately want to create an armless crackpot that, no matter how you configure it, ends up looking like an embryonic version of yourself with too-thick eyebrows. You can then take this “Mii” as they are so cleverly called and use it to extemporize ping-pong with your grade-school nemesis, Bowser.
I own one of these newfangled contraptions. We got it as a gift from my in-laws because of the entrancement that my young son had every time that he would see it played elsewhere. He always talked about one and wanted one for himself, but as we would spend the $300 cost every couple of months on other things for him to “wii” in, it was not in point of fact possible. Luckily, the in-laws came through for...
